SELF-REGULATION AND THE CONCEPT OF ‘CO-REGULATION’
Often times, children will have emotional outbursts or experiences that may be difficult to understand or support. Where do we begin?
We begin with the topic of self-regulation, while introducing the importance of ‘co-regulation’. In order to best support the young ones in our lives emotionally, we must tend to and manage our own emotional states.
Easier said than done - but definitely possible!
For children, the best way to start on this journey is to help them identify how they are feeling. If they are too upset for words or reasoning, take a few steps back and allow for some space and calming (taking deep breaks, using a sensory fidget, modifying the stimulating sensory aspects in the environment). Next, help them move through their feelings by identifying a coping ‘tool’ or response to reach a more regulated-state. For example, “I see you are _____ [insert sad, upset, angry, etc.], do you want to go for a walk or take a sip of water?” Introduce an activity or coping strategy that will help them reach a more-regulated state.
Emotions and our emotional state are foundational for participating in functional activities such as learning and playing, as well as communicating with others & interacting in the world. If we are stressed, overwhelmed, angry or frustrated - there is less of a chance that we are fully participating in each moment to our highest capacity. Finding our emotional stability and regulation prior to the activities we want to enjoy in life, will lead us to more-regulated & meaningful experiences.
Co-regulation: often times, when a child is dysregulated (yelling, screaming/crying, very upset, etc.), we often look at their behaviors rather than observing how we are responding to the experience. The best way to help a dysregulated child is to maintain your own regulation - easier said than done! But definitely possible.
Tips & strategies for maintaing your own regulation:
meditating and/or journaling at the start of each day to get out ahead of the life experiences you’ll have that day
setting the tone of how you would like your day to unfold prior to interacting with others (refer to the blog on ‘Setting the Tone’ for how I practice this in treatment sessions!)
focus on the behavior you would like to see more than what’s happening in front of you
work with your own counselor or therapist to help you learn individual concepts & strategies
Contact us if you are interested in learning more about co-regulation or supporting your child’s overall regulation skills!